just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
