You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
