my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
