"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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