Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Are my feet made of real feet?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
