a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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