Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
