he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't turn off my feet"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
