called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's shark week go big or go home
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
