Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Randomize
