apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
