no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
