No stitches, just platelets and will power
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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