How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
