No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
