it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
