it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
