god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
