How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
