Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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