tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
