it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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