My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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