dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
