Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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