That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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