So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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