i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
