I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize