U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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