Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
