You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
