im having a threesome with these popsicles
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
