My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
