I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize