Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
