the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
