stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
