so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
