ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
