You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
