God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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