love makes seman taste better
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize