i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
