Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
