I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
