we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize