This is not my ceiling
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
