Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
