i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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