i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
