i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I supernannyed him into submission
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
