There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize