The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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