So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
