Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
