Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
