i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
