Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
