i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize