How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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