I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sacagawea was the original milf.
birth control should be required to get into college
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
