If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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