The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
