I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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