Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
