wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
