I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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