He managed to light the Jello on fire...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
