One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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