I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
