I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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