Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
