for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
