this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize