they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
