she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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