Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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