WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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