Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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