I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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