And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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