We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize