Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
