**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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