Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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