please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
