Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
